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Sitting here in the stillness of the night.
Wrapped up in a prayer shawl
that was knit for me by a "stranger"
(a friend of my mother-in-law's from Maryland),
someone I've never met before.
Sensing the warm embrace of my Abba Father.
The tears gently roll down my face
slowly, but steadily.
One of the few moments
since my surgery
when I've really felt much
from my heart.
Reality is setting in.
Anesthetic has worn off.
The pain meds have expired.
Can't deny reality now
when I look in the mirror.
Although, I can't fully look at myself yet.
Too weak.
Too faint.
Too fragile.
This is only the beginning.
The first hurdle He's carried me over.
Chemo is next.
So hard for me to face.
Then I realize I am looking
too far down the road.
I must stay in Your presence
for this very moment.
Only this moment.
Grieve if I must.
Give myself "permission" to do so
for a little while
knowing the waves will rise
then subside
as they have before.
Faithfully You carry me
to the shore.
Safely in Your Everlasting Arms
once more.
Deuteronomy 33:27 - The eternal God is Your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.
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3 comments:
Terri,
This morning we sang “O Love That will Not Let me Go” and I wept with joy for you, knowing that He will not (no never!) let you (or me or any of His beloved children) go. His loving arms are securely around us. These two verses in particular spoke to me of you.
O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be
O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
In my humanness, I want to stop your grief but I know that it is there that you will find the deepest fellowship with Him. You have entered into the fellowship of His suffering and surely He will meet you there. I remember times of crushing grief when I did not have the courage or strength to even lift a prayer to heaven. It seemed He whispered to me………..just be still and let me love you……..and so I did……..and so He did. May His love surround you and supernaturally bring joy in the midst of your grief.
Praying for you, Terri. I know that seems like a generic response to your latest blog, but know you are in my thoughts and prayers often. We serve a big God who loves you and cares deeply for you. You are not alone, you are wrapped and protected in the loving arms of Jesus. God bless you.
Terri,
You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers daily. I'm so happy to hear that the prognosis is good. You do have great strength and support to get through this. Take care!
My Best Always,
Jeannette Achenbach
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