Praising The One I'm Living For

This morning I awakened with the tune from one of Erin's UNI Children's Choir songs that she has sung in years past. The lyrics are from Psalm 118:24

This is the day the Lord has made
let us rejoice be glad in it
Oh this is the day,
this is the day,
the Lord has made.

I kept repeating that in my mind before I drug my tired body out of bed.

Lord, you've given me THIS day to live. You made me to worship You. I don't know what people are praying for me, but my perspective has sure changed within a couple days!

While I was in the kitchen preparing Erin's breakfast, Erin pointed out the beautiful sunrise to me. We both admire sunrises and sunsets. They are a glimpse of Your splendor, Your creation, Your beauty Lord, Jesus.

Give me attentive eyes to see Your goodness, Your glory, Your majesty today. Guard my heart and mind from being apathetic or ungrateful of the ways (big & small) that you bless me.

A little later, as I was getting ready in the bathroom I suddenly hear music blaring from the kitchen. Erin had cranked up my Chris Tomlin CD, "Hello Love" and the song, Sing, Sing, Sing was blasting throughout our house. It was AWESOME! What a great way to start my day - praising and worshipping the One I'm living for!

It reminds me of a Psalm a UNI student I have grown to love shared with me shortly after my diagnosis. Psalm 59:16 - But I will sing of your strength in the morning, I will sing of Your love; You are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

Stability in Uncertainty

In my "Jesus Calling" devotional this morning, I read from Exodus 3:13-17 and was comforted by Yahweh, the great "I AM." The One with eternal power. The One who is unchanging. His marvelous attributes do not change like my emotions or circumstances. He is the Rock Eternal. My stability in uncertain times.

Lord, help me to rest in You, Yahweh, the great "I AM." Thank you for your stability and security when things around me seem so uncertain.

Below are two Scriptures that were shared with me from two sisters in Christ in the past 24 hours - Isaiah 26:4 & 33:6, that tie perfectly with what I read this morning.

Isaiah 26:4 - Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the Rock Eternal.
Isaiah 33:6 - He (God) will be the stability for your times...

Pouring My Heart Out - While He Pours Healing In

Dazed. Numb. In a fog. Is this really happening? Somebody pinch me and tell me it isn't so. Am I observing this as a by-stander? Nope. I'm the main character.

Lord, Jesus, life is not going as I planned, but I know you're not caught off guard. I know this is no surprise to you. You knew everything that was coming my way. I am a bit stunned, even though I was trying to "prepare" myself for this news the past few days. When I got a glimpse of the MRI last week, I thought I saw more cancer. Well, I was right. I did.

Lord, help me to focus on the positives - no cancer present in the other breast. The lymph nodes were not enlarged on the MRI - that's a good sign it hasn't spread. Still I won't know for sure about the lymph nodes after further examination the day of surgery (Tuesday, February 24th).

Lord, I want the cancer completely removed from my body, so if that means I need to have a mastectomy I will do it. Just help me get my mind wrapped around that, ok? Help me to accept it by the power of Your grace, love and mercy.

I need You, Lord. I need You to carry me. I know I can't do this without You. Lord, I want to trust in You with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways acknowledge You and You will make my paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Help me to trust in you at ALL times. Help me to pour out my heart to you, Oh God You are my refuge. Oh, Lord, help me not to be afraid to tell You what's on my heart. Your Word says, You know my thoughts and my actions and You know what I'm going to say before I say it. (Psalm 139:1-4) Thank you that you will never be offended when I pour out my despair and bitterness that wells up in my heart. You desire for me to cry out in my agony. As I pour out my heart to You, I rid myself of soul-cancerous bitterness. I also make room for You to pour IN Your healing.
Pour Your healing into my body, Lord, Jesus. Replace all of those cancerous cells with new healthy cells touched by You.

Surely,Jesus, You are taking up my disease called cancer and carrying my sorrows over it. You, Jesus, were pierced for my transgressions and crushed for my iniquities, the punishment that has brought me peace was upon You, and by Your wounds I am healed. (Isaiah 53:3-5)

Merciful Father, because of your great love I am not consumed because Your compassions never fail me. They are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness. Oh Lord, You are my portion as I wait. You are good to me as I hope in You and seek Your beautiful face, my Lord, my Savior. (Lamentations 3:22-25)

It is Good to be Near God

This afternoon, Rob & I meet with the surgeon and find out the MRI results which will show if the cancer has spread. Dr. Duven will then give us his surgical recommendations for my breast cancer.

This morning, after I read Psalm 36, I was reminded of a worship song titled, Your Love Oh Lord, by Third Day that I've sung many times - the chorus obviously came from Psalm 36:5-7. I began to sing the chorus from this song in the quiet & stillness of my home. Head bowed, eyes closed, head held in my hands, humbly before my Lord.

Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean's tide
I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
in the shadow of your wings

Then I repeated it over and over again as the peace of God washed over me.

I am going to sing or hum this chorus all day long, up until my appointment as a way to remain near to God - my refuge in time of need.

Psalm 73:28 But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made my Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

My Hope is in You, Lord

Lord, as we await the call this week from the surgeon for the MRI results that will reveal the extent the cancer has spread I thank you for reminding Rob & I that whatever the outcome of this journey - I have the security of 100% "survivability" because of my eternal relationship with Jesus. I WILL live forever with You. There is no greater security than that. My hope is not in medical science - Yes I'm thankful for it, but that is not where my hope is found, it's in You alone, Lord Jesus. Because of that, I have Your peace that passes all understanding. I do not fear death - pain & suffering, yes - but not death. I WILL live.

This reminds me of the verse my sister-in-law, Rachel told me she is claiming for me during this time, from John 11:4

When he heard this, Jesus replied, "This sickness will not end in death. No it is for God's glory, so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

Lord, thank you for convincing me during this uncertain time that NOTHING will separate me from You - death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor ANYTHING in ALL creation will separate me from Your love that is in Christ Jesus my Lord.(Romans 8:38-39) In You, Lord my heart rejoices for I trust in Your holy name. Surround me and my family with your unfailing love for our hope is in You - ALONE.
(Psalm 33:21-22)

Tears Mark the Path

What a week. A roller coaster of emotion. A trail of tears marks my path - right into the loving arms of my husband and my Father in heaven numerous times last week.

Last Friday, I received this poem via email from a long time friend and sister in Christ, titled, "Overcomer," written by Michelle Meade. It describes the past week so perfectly.

Overcomer

Lord, you know I'm pushing on
to run this race
I fix my eyes on you
in everything I face
Even when my feelings say it isn't so
your truth that beats inside my heart
won't let me go
With every step of faith
you strengthen me
along every mile of trust
You are remaking me
though a trial of tears
marks the path that I've come
Into your arms
I'll continue to run.

Lord, I pray that you will continue to help me to fix my eyes on You, the author and perfecter of my faith, considering Jesus who endured the cross on my behalf, scorning its shame, so that I will not grow weary or lose heart as I run this "race" with perseverance that is marked out for me. (Hebrews 12:1-3)