In My Weakness Renewed by His Love

My body is wearing down a bit from the second session of chemo. The past 48 hours fatigue nailed me to my bed. The combination of the steroids wearing off and the neulasta shot to boost my white blood cell counts knocked me down for a few days. There is an intense achiness and weakness in my legs. There are moments when I feel so tired, so exhausted, so weak there is nothing left inside to act as energy - I'm totally depleted. All I can do is go to bed and rest. I'm unable to do anything else.

As I've laid in bed resting I've been reflecting on something I read last week by Amy Carmichael from her book Rose from Brier.

O, God, renew us in Thy love today,
For our tomorrow we have not a care,
Who blessed our yesterday
Will meet us there

But our today is all athirst for Thee
Come in the stillness,
O Thou heavenly dew,
Come Thou to us - to me -
Revive and renew.

I'm discovering that there is strength in that quiet stillness of laying on my Father's chest. Unable to do anything else but be still and know He's God. Know He's with me. Know He's holding me. I'm finding peace in being silent in His perfect love, however weary my flesh may be for that particular moment.

I also came across a Henri Nouwen quote that goes along with this subject. I was challenged and encouraged by it.

"Let this time of tiredness
be a time of solitude
where you can recharge your life,
Where your wounds are oiled by Gilead,
your muscles massaged,
your courage renewed,
and your body nourished by My love."

Lord Jesus, even though there are moments when I feel hard pressed on every side, I am not crushed, perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed. I know it is so that the life of Jesus may be revealed through my body. (II Corinthians 4:8-10) Even though I am experiencing multiple losses in my life at this time, I see this as a new beginning of drawing me closer to you, Jesus. Help me to endure the pain with expectancy toward your promise of your perfecting work in me. Give me the stamina I need for today and courage to face tomorrow. Revive and renew me by Your love Father as I rest in You.

The Lord Your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17