The More I Seek

Over the course of this year, in my distress, I have turned to the the Lord. He has been so incredibly near to me. The more I seek Him, the more I find Him, the more I find Him, the more I love Him.

This year I've been set aside to focus on my health and many days have felt useless. Yet, I've discovered the richness of my salvation in Jesus, the joy of His constant, unconditional love in a deeper more profound way than ever before.

Too often I have judged myself based on how I look, behave and feel. I've felt unworthy of love much of my life. If I liked what I saw in the mirror or if things in my life were going smoothly or my "performance" seemed "adequate" I found it easier to believe I was loved and accepted.

As I've rested in the presence of the Lord for several months, I've come to realize that He loves me as I am, not for what I "do" or look like. He desires me to stop judging myself and "fixing" myself, so that I will be accepted or loved by people. He wants me to redirect my thoughts to see myself clothed in His righteousness, radiant in His perfect love. Not by ANYTHING I can do, but by His incomparable richness of grace, love and mercy - all free gifts from Him.

He is teaching me to release my idol of approval of man for the Lord's affirmation that is not dependent upon achievement or outward appearance. He is reminding me to be at peace with the way He has created me. My ultimate purpose on this earth is to love and worship Him. It seems too simple, yet so complex. From the overflow of my love and devotion to Him I can love others more freely without fear of rejection.

While my body continues to heal from the scars of cancer and emotional wounds, I am to be still, rest in His presence, cease striving, relax. That is so counter cultural, our society defines our "value" if we're busy, striving, doing more to prove our worth.

Lord, thank you for drawing near to me as I've drawn nearer to You. Your love is so deep, it's more that I can understand. I melt in your peace. It's overwhelming.


Deuteronomy 4:29-31 But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the Lord your God and obey him. For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon you...